erica schreiner ❤ video/performance artist
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*The Skye Project*
Dear Diary 11
Dear Friends,
It isn't Thanksgiving yet.
I'm still thinking about pumpkins and things.
Mostly I'm thinking about how thankful I am.
My family never did that thing...
You know,
That thing
where you sit around the table
Holding hands
Saying what you're thankful for.
I kind of wish they had.
I think if they had done that table-thankful-hand-holding-thing
It would have been easier to say thank you
For other things
Like friends.
Like you.
Thank you for coming back to me.
I really thought I had lost you
4ever.
Dear Diary 12
Okay.
Let's play a game.
(Normally, I don't like games, but this is a good one.)
Answer these questions:
1. What is your favorite name?
2. What is your favorite outfit? (I'd love to see pictures)
3. What is your favorite song?
4. What is your favorite thing to do which I do not know, but involves being around other people?
Okay.
Make sure that you're sure.
Because once you write it down,
you can't change it!
It's the game!
I'm just saying...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
NOW!
Change your name!
**poof**
c h a n g e d!
NOW!
Put on your favorite outfit!
Take your time.
Mayyyyyybe you zip.
Mayyyyyybe you buckle.
Maybe you duct tape!
Okay.
NOW!
Sing your favorite song.
But record it.
On a tape maybe?
Or onto a CD?
Sing it as good as you can.
Even if you say,
"But, Skye, I'm not a singer."
I know!
I'm not a singer too!
But I still have a voice to sing with!!
Now that you've done this,
Take out a pen and label the tape!
Write this: "I made this tape for you! Please listen immediately. Love, (then write your new name here)."
Now you look great!
Now you have a new name!
Now you have a tape in your hands!
Got to your favorite place with the people. And before you leave, give away your song
To the person that smiles the most.
Dear Diary 13
A woman
looked me in the eye
eye
2
eye
and you know what she SAID?
YES.
That's all.
just
YES.
I was standing by myself
looking at the hole
in my umbrella
squishing the water
in my shoe
waitin' for the bus
home.
And this woman
this woman
shaped like an AVOCADO
walking with
a cane
looked me
U
P
A
N
D
D
O
W
N
and H U F F E D!
oh jeez
But then she stopped
me
and
all she said was...
YES.
and
that
was
that.
The bus never came
but
you know...
sometimes it's just NICE
to hear
YES.
Dear Diary 14
I'd like to
talk about
the difference between
nice
and mean.
Nice is when
the person you like
says
"I'm glad to see you today"
or
"It's so good to hear your voice"
or
"I love it when I can make you laugh"
or
"you're such a good cook"
or
"I'm glad to be with you"
or
"I realllly like you."
That's nice.
Nice is when
the person you like
forgives you
when
you show up late
or
you leave just like that
POOF!
or
you try something new
and
maaaaybe you don't like it right away
or
maaaaybe not at all
because
she knows
you like HER
more.
That's nice too.
Mean is when
kids throw sticks
kick in shins
twist your arm
pull your hair
take your dessert
push down stairs
push up stairs
tacks on chairs
call you names
like
PINK EYE
PINKO
WEIRDO
or say
"you're weeeeeird!"
That's mean.
But not THAT mean
because
those kids
don't realllly know
who you are
and have to
make stuff up
to hurt your feelings.
In fact
it's kinda creative!
Butnothinghurtsasmuchaskids
as when
the person you like most
who knows you best
tells you
all the things that are wrong
WITH YOU
in a way
that's meant to HURT
ON PURPOSE.
That's really really really mean.
I did that once
and I don't know why.
What happened was
I was hurt
but
didn't make a PEEP.
(eep!)
Then
K A - B L O O E Y ! ! !
I became soooooooo mean
that
I didn't know
who I was!
WHO AM I? WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WAIT!
TIME OUT!
REFEREE!
I don't know
if
that friend will ever
speak to me again.
I don't.
At the time
it made sense.
I was hurt.
But what I learned was
if you don't S A Y
"I feel this"
"I feel that"
no one will ever know
how you feel.
That's why
it's soooooo important to
say how you feel
even if you feel BAD
because
sometimes
we don't mean to hurt.
Sometimes
we don't know what we're doing.
Sometimes
we need to be told
what we're doing
so we
Don't Make Mistakes
Like That.
Nice is when
you feel crummy
because of your friend
and you
TELL HER SO.
That way
she'll KNOW
and say,
"Oops! I'm sorry!"
And then she
holds your hand
because
she really didn't know.
And that's what's nicest of all.
Dear Diary 15
I once
took a picture
which I thought was of
me.
lipstick
pinched cheeks
sun on my nose
merry and bright!
I thought
this is the one
they'll know me by
because
this one
is how I realllllllly
AM.
when it came back
I was A G H A S T !
Who's THAT?
That's not ME!
That's NOT me!
It ISN'T!
. . . is it?
The girl
in the picture
was just
a l l w r o n g
somehow.
the teeth
the nose
the chin
the skin
the lips
the hair
the eyes
oh my...
Could it be?
I thought
Could it be
I thought again
That I
who am I
am not
the SUN
on my nose
the BLUSH
of my cheeks
the ROSE
of my lips?
I tore the picture
to P I E C E S
and
tossed them
to
t h e f l o o r .
After my nap
there on the floor
were
my teeth over here
my nose over
there
my chin
under here
my
lips
and
my hair
and my eyes
one.
two.
And each piece
on their own
didn't look
so bad!
So I got the glue a n d
putmebacktogetheragain
Since that day...
before
I look at pictures
of me...
Dear Diary 16
Sometimes
I like to think about
What I'll look like when I'm older.
Old.
Verrrrry old.
Verrrrrrrry old and wrinkly.
What is age?
I think it's about
having lived for a loooong time.
I have NOT lived for so long.
Sometimes I feel OLD and realllllly tired like:
working all day
forgetting to eat and then remembering when you're too run-down to make anything
being on an airplane for a loooong time and breathing that weird upsidedown a i r.
like when you walk with a stick but pretend it's a cane.
but, Sometimes I feel realllllly young like
making s a n d c a s t l e s
riding my bike and laughing
meowing at dogs
laughing into a fan and hearing your voice v i b r a t e back at you
Sometimes I meet people.
Some are older.
Sometimes I like knowing them because they seem smart,
because they already have lived 4ever.
Sometimes I meet people.
Some are younger.
And they seem reallllllllly alive…
because they're just getting started.
I guess I want to always
meow at dogs
laugh into fans
build s a n d c a s t l e s
build paper dresses
build my life like that
like s a n d c a s t l e s…
When I was growing up
and my mom made me go to church
and I had to wear these
P O O F Y dresses.
and shiny black shoes.
We sang this song.
It was about how
you should not build your life
on sand,
but instead
the song told you to build
your life upon the rock…
like it would be stronger
but 4 now, I think I prefer
building
S a n d c a s t l e s.
Dear Diary 17
Hello, grey.
Sometimes I have grey days.
I wake up
It seems like I almost won't.
I ride my bike to work
Verrrrrrry slowly.
I can't cry.
I can't laugh.
But
It's all mixed up
when I'm grey
Because I feel the things
I do
And I feel the things
I don't.
I'm happy for some things
And sad for other things.
How can I be both?
At the same time?
I'm both.
Grey is
not reallllly like laughing
It's not reallllllly like crying.
It's just in the middle
Like walking down the street
on the d o t t e d yellow line.
Which way will you go?
This way...
...or this way?
Grey is okay but
It's not black.
It's not white.
It's just that grey doesn't always feel so nice And Black and white are easy.
Maybe that's just what this is about.
Just sitting down next to
G r e y.
Hello, grey.
Hello....Skye.
Dear Diary 18
Questions
I have them.
About lots of things.
About
me
the world
what I'm doing
why I'm here in the first place
how that came to be...
about why I'm me.
Sometimes I'll think
I know!
I have the answers!
Then
the very next day
I have more
questions
I think I just want to know e v e r y t h I n g
There is to know
And it seems impossible
And for some reason that seems to bother me.
The questions.
Once I read
That I should LOVE
the questions
And not w o r r y about the answers
But treasure the questions
Like mysteries
Like locked doors
Like books written in funny languages
Once I read
That the meaning
Is
m e a n I n g l e s s n e s s
And once you're happy with that
You're like Buddha
On a mountain
Or something
But it seems much harder
to live real life
D
O
W
N
here
Off the
M
O
U
N
T
Dear Diary 19
How do you know
When someone likes
You
For
You?
Maybe you know s o m e o n e
who is nice
And say . . .
Makes you dinner
reallllllly likes to hug4ever
brings you good things to read
And likes you
In a way
That
feels like
CHRISTMAS!
BUT
then they want for you
to
not
be
you.
Maybe they say
Skye! Why do you do those things?
Skye! Maybe you should change your hair!
Skye! Maybe you should stop meowing at dogs!
Skye! Maybe you should calm down!
SKYE! Maybe you should not always talk so much about cake!
While I was eating my
Peanutbutterandjelly
I made a list on my napkin
of all the things I could do
to be dIfFeReNt.
I looked at it c a r e f u l l y
rightside up
upsidedown and rightsideup again.
I think
all the things
I am
Are the things
That make me ME.
And, if you change them
Where do you go?
P o o f !
So I wiped my hands
On the list
crumpled it up
And threw it away
with the crust.
I think I'll look for a friend who
also hates the crust.