erica schreiner ❤ video/performance artist
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*The Skye Project*
Dear Diary 21
Some days
Are not YES
They are not NO
Some days
Are not hot.
They're not cold.
They are not fun
but, they're not un-fun.
They are just like l00king ahead of you
But not l00king anywhere at all.
You blink.
You think.
But maybe you didn't
You have a hard time r e m e m b e r I n g…
Anything at all.
And things look clear
Only they're always bLuRrY.
And things look W e I r D.
In the most normal of ways.
And you think you talked to your cat
But it was a d r e a m.
He put his paw in my mouth
But I woke up with no paws AT ALL.
So today is just fuZZy
Like being in the middle
Of something
Bigger
than you maybe…
But like nothing at all.
You're just there
And waiting for it to tell you
what to do.
So, mayyyyybe
I should go l00king
For cat
Just so I can put their
paws in my mouth...
That's pretty weird.
Dear Diary 22
Snug as a bug.
icky
sweaty neck.
Sticky
thick nose.
a parade of moist
wads
of tissues.
Ahhhhhhhhh- C H O O ! !
It's 5am
my throat
feels like
I'm smuggling marbles.
I gargle
I spit
I spray
I drink
but
I toss
I turn
I twist
I shout
(in my head)
I almost
wanna cry
I count sheep
1 baby sheep
2 baby sheep
3 baby sheep
12 baby sheep
38 baby sheep
so many
cuuuuute
baby sheeps!
oh go away baby sheep
come back when I can play.
What time is it now?
5:15.
one hour and forty-five minutes to decide.
Outside is cold.
Inside a little less cold.
Outside is getting light.
Inside is staying dark.
Outside is rain.
No rain in here!
Inside are blankets
Outside no blankets
Outside is work.
No no no...not today.
My rent
my gas
my heat
my internet
my telephone
my movie rentals
my groceries
no no no...not today.
Because
I cannot sleep
I cannot breathe
I cannot swallow
I cannot work
no way.
6:35
more ah-choos.
6:50
more moist tissues.
7:00
Beat the alarm to the punch.
Dial.
"Hhhelllllo?
Yes, it's me.
I feel worse than I sound, thank you.
I will.
I'll try.
thanks for understanding."
7:05
Hang up...
Suddenly
I FEEL GREAT!
PLAY!
PLAY!
PLAY!
PLAY!
BRING BACK THE BABY SHEEP!
ooh...
think I better lie down for a while first.
But for a moment,
I felt
much
much
BETTER.
Dear Diary 23
.
See that dot?
Tiny
but not cute.
That dot comes like
an unwelcome relative
who tells you
without a sound
you are ugly
stupid
fat
weird
sad
and you'll ALWAYS be that way
and because
it's your dot
you can't tell it to go
until it's ready to leave.
In a sentence
that dot
is an ending.
In my life
that dot
STAYS
4
EVER.
Symptoms of
THE DOT:
pimples
bloating
crying
bad hair
weird food
crying
cramping
throwing up
bleeding
did i say crying?
I'm at work.
And the dot came with.
It didn't bring juice
or tea,
and it didn't bring kindness.
Instead
it shakes it's tiny head
tsk
tsk
tsk
and whispers
so only I can hear,
"How awful."
And today,
I
Just
Can't
Cope
Period.
Dear Diary 24
When I was small
my legs my arms my everything
were growing l o n g e r
my baby teeth
popped out
BOINK! BOINK!
other parts stickin' out
which itched
or hurt
when I ran into furniture
owee.
I didn't understand
but there were books
I read
that told me
I'M OKAY
YOU'RE OKAY.
Now
mylegsmyarmsmyeverything
reach out this far.
my teeth
are grown
and
all the sticky outie parts
still stick out
and I like it.
But now that I'm "grownup"
what's left to grow
is all on the inside
and the books
don't help
the stretching
the twisting
the aching.
Sometimes
I wonder
when growing
will be more like a hug
and less like a stab
which makes me verrrrry
uNcOmFoRtAbLe
but I guess
all the ickytwistyhurty stuff
means I'm still growing
which is better
than being
a stick
in the mud.
I'm okay.
you're okay.
Really.
Dear Diary 25
1 found my toes
2 my parents split, my brother came.
3 read a book
4 wrote my name
5 started school
6 made a friend
7 friend moved away
8 starting painting and making things from nothing
9 got teased for being pink and making weird things
10. a little blurry
11 got glasses
12 got teased more and painted more
13 different school but nothing changed
14 met my best friend, lost my glasses
15 BFF met a boy and I danced alone
16 Mom met a guy and I moved out
17 Finished school early
18 College and much more reading, writing and dancing
19 Made another BFF
20 BFF left 4ever, wanted to die
21 looked in the mirror for the very first time
22 Found a video camera
23 Started a website
24 I'm at work
Thank you for all the birthday wishes!
Love,
Skye
Dear Diary 26
What happened was
I looked down...
there was a ten!
I looked around...
nobody!
I looked up...
eight different movies playing!
I grabbed the ten
bought a ticket
rode the escalator
up
entered door #1.
#1
bad man
good man
good man chases bad man
bad man shoots good man
good man shoots back.
no good.
#2
young man
plays music
gets famous
does drugs
alienates everyone.
don't care.
#3
good woman
boring man
woman married
to boring man
good woman
sleeps with
good man
good woman
goes back to
boring man.
borRING!
#4
young man
young woman
pregnant
keep baby
not keep baby?
uh boy.
#5
cartoon
mouse
wants to be
a kangaroo.
Puh-LEEZ!
#6
Bag o' money
found
guns
blood
where's the money?
WHO'S GOT THE MONEY!?!
...not my life, buster!
#7
Man
bonkedonhead
wakesup
as
a fat woman.
What the?
#8
Cat
talks to dogs
to save
her boy owner.
Uh-huh.
I got on the bus
my head hanging low
ten dollars gone
and a day lost.
Then
it turns out
I got on the wrong bus
and ended up
at the airport.
My stomach was grrrrrowling
went in for a snack.
As I ate my snack
I watched
people greet
each other
with hugs
from ALL OVER THE WORLD.
There was more TRUTH
more BEAUTY
more MAGIC
and more CULTURE
in the hugging
the laughing
the crying
the arguing
at the international airport
than ALL
those movies
COMBINED.
And it made me think...
WHERE HAVE ALL THE FOREIGN MOVIES GONE???
Dear Diary 27
Flat on my belly
I pushed
by my pink boots
my red sled
hurtling me
down the icy path
my brother
made with
our mother's
summer watering can.
Each taking turns
I went farther
he went farther
I went farther still
he went farther more
faster.
My turn again.
Hands on my back
he pushed me
p e r f e c t l y
and my red sled
FLEW
down the snowy tundra
of our backyard
until
I DOUBLED
our path.
As the sled
cr r r r r e a k e d to a halt
in the dry fluffy snow
I felt free and w e i g h t l e s s
then...
the earth gave way
and I fell
I
N
T
O
T
H
E
E
A
R
T
H
the snow
covered
a hole
where a tree had been
and that's where my sled s t o p p e d
BUT
for that moment
with my child logic
I thought...
THIS HAPPENS.
Sometimes
you fall
into the earth
If it happened once
It will happen again.
I wasn't frightened
I wasn't confused
life was new
and I was beginning
to understand
the rules...
...I still am
but
it was easier
then
to accept
the hole.
Dear Diary 28
new year's resolution
cut in line
buy a cell phone
talk on it in public
take the last bite
burp out loud
hog the sidewalk
read women's magazines
get a french manicure
chew gum
litter
catch up on t.v.
gawk
join a tanning salon
stab backs
watch movies from Hollywood, Calif.
diet
drink vodka cran
bum smokes
vomit more
improve vocabulary skills with:
Ghetto
Whatevs
Tight
Hella
Totes
Snap
Bitches
swear around old people
spit
get highlights
get that tattoo on my back
pierce navel
wear tighter clothes
don't vote
buy whatevs
don't fix
throw away
let others make up my mind for me
wear a tiara
I just KNOW
I'm going to
be
HAPPIER
this year!
Hella.
Dear Diary 29
It reads
me man
you woman
with large glasses
blue bicycle
said
"like your dog"
coffee?
Another
you woman
white bag
with cherries
spelling
I LUV U
me woman
with camping equipment
getting off bus
stepped on your toe
said you didn't mind
coffee?
Another
you man
white beard
at museum
me man
with man
in wheelchair
with pinwheel
you laughed at
Loplop Introduces Loplop
what's so funny?
coffee?
So
me girl
pink hair
holes in shoes
sings songs
to self
you somebody
somewhere
I saw
seeing me
is that enough?
I read
the ads
and I know
I'm not
alone
in feeling
alone
but
the ads
never stop
and
four years later
n o b o d y
has napped
with me
which is
ALL I EVER WANT
but to find this
is
very
very
very
very
hard
instead
every day
I ACHE
from the absence
of a familiar
b r e a t h i n g
so
i get
smaller
and
smaller
and
smaller
in this bed.
Coffee?